The Mall Gods Are Mocking Me

I learned a very important lesson a couple of days ago: shopping isn't fulfilling. "Well duh," say some of you. As a general rule, I am aware of this. But on Tuesday, I forgot.

See, I got my pay cheque the Friday before, and I have just been waiting to go shopping. I was looking forward to it for a very long time. Most of the items I bought were necessities: shampoo, facial lotion, band-aids...you know, fun stuff like that.

But I had extra money. On purpose. I was planning to splurge, buy something extra, treat myself. And everybody knows how wonderful it feels to treat yourself.

A couple of weeks ago I saw the cutest piece of clothing ever invented. A summer suit jacket, short, cap sleeves, couple of buttons, meant to be worn over an equally-cute, lacy top.

Well I just had to have it! And on this occassion, I could certainly afford it. So I made my way to the store where I was sure I had seen it (my new favourite store, by the way, because they have so many clothes to be worn at the office). I got there, and much to my accute horror and dismay, it wasn't there!

In fact, the clerk at the store said that it never had been there. Well it had to be somewhere, because I saw it! And I fell in love with it! (And I don't fall in love with figments of my imagination. Usually.)

So I walked around the WHOLE mall, searching every other store even though I knew nobody would have it. I had such high hopes for this day and they were dashed to a thousand pieces. I was already tired and shopped-out, having made all my necessary purchases before and now having to lug my heavy Wal-Mart bags around.

After the Great Jacket Disappearance, I managed to pull myself together, and off I trudged to Payless Shoes, hoping to comfort myself a little. Big mistake. Instead of easing my pain, it was only provoked and made worse!

You see, I have small feet. Size 5. Brand Name shoe stores do not even carry shoes in my size. Payless does, but their selection is limited, at best. I am used to seeing only one or two shoes that I like. What I am NOT used to is seeing half a wall FULL of the most beautiful shoes a girl could want, and all in my size! This NEVER happens!!! Why now?! Why today?! I don't need any shoes right now, I don't have the money for shoes right now, so of course there would be 40 pairs of shoes, all perfectly desirable, and all just out of reach.

This was more than I could bear. First, I can't get what I want. Then I want what I can't have!

First plan of action: attempt to drown my sorrows in a deliciously greasy poutine from New York Fries.

Then I marched back to Favorite-Store-That-Didn't-Have-The-One-Thing-I-Wanted-With-All-My-Heart and I picked out something else that I kind of liked. I had planned on buying clothes for quite some time and I was determined to follow through. I ended up getting this:

And a pair of earrings to match.

So even though it was an evening of great disappointment, my efforts weren't completely futile. I also got myself a new purse, which I am quite in love with, and I bought my first wallet, which is equal in lovliness.

I returned home from all of this feeling tired, disappointed, half successful and only sort of satisfied, but I will try to remember this from now on: I should not place my hopes in what I think money can buy me, but I should instead, "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; for my hope comes from Him." - Psalm 62:5