The Blessed Toilet Tissue

I got up early to help Art get ready for work, and I was going to go back to sleep. But now I'm not even remotely tired. My head is full of plans for the day (cleaning and grocery shopping and meal planning) and thoughts about the past year.

So much has changed in a year. Our perspective is quite different than it was at this time last year.

This time last year, I wasn't working, and we were barely surviving with Art's part time job. We couldn't cover our expenses by ourselves, and had to except A LOT of help from our parents. And I'm very grateful that they were able to help us. We could never pay them back.

We were so poor, that on TWO occasions, we couldn't afford toilet paper. TOILET PAPER. We ran out, and didn't have enough money to buy more, never mind enough money to fill our fridge or pay our bills. I was so ashamed and discouraged, and of course I couldn't blog about it.

Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew that God was good, but I sure couldn't feel it. I kept wondering how we were possibly going to get out of this mess. I kept wondering what God's plan was.

Now we both have full time jobs, we are more than able to meet all our expenses, and we still have plenty left over. Not only can we afford to fill our fridge, but I can afford to buy myself a new purse (which I did very recently). :D I can afford to get my jacket fixed when the zipper breaks. And we always have plenty of toilet paper.

There were parts of this past year that seemed really bleak, but other parts were still quite happy. We had the support and love of some very good friends. We had the love of a small church, even though we still didn't know the people very well. And we were in love. We found out that a hard year does not a bad marriage make. In the tough times, we had each other. And we had God.

I confess, I felt closer to God at this point last year than I do right now. I'm afraid I've gone the way of the Israelites: they cried out to God in their need, but after He came through for them, they didn't need Him anymore. I fear I'm starting to take God's goodness for granted. And I don't want that. I want to be ever thankful for all God has done for us.

So I have a little task for all of you: any time that I start to complain about my life, I need you to simply ask me, "Jenene, do you have toilet paper?" As long as we are at least able to afford to buy toilet paper, I know that we are truly blessed.

Prairie Girl is Back From the Prairies

Well, I'm back. On the wet coast again. Art and I got in late last night, showed his siblings our gifts, cracked up the heat in our room, bundled up and crawled into our very cold bed in our very cold room. I think we're finally at a normal temperature again.

I just finished catching up on my blog reading, and I have very scattered plans to unpack and clean and do laundry today. "Scattered" because I don't really know how I'm going to start. And I'm afraid I'm going to end up flitting from one thing to another and not actually accomplish anything. I like to have a firmly laid-out plan in my head, so that once I get started, I'm unstoppable.

I think I might start the laundry first. We'll see how I progress from there. But before laundry, I should probably eat. It just occurred to me that I'm really hungry.

I had a fantastic, busy holiday in Manitoba, and I plan to write all about it. I don't have to be back at work until Jan. 4, so I have plenty of time. But first, I must attend to my domestic duties. And my tummy.

Prairie Girl Back on the Prairies

Greetings from Manitoba! I've been up for about half an hour, and I'm feeling good. Art is still sleeping, which is no surprise. We had a very early morning yesterday, and a short night before that, so catching up on sleep is top priority.

My sister and her kids were here when we got home from the airport, and I got to meet my nephew Blake for the first time! He's so cute! I am in love. I got to hold him and rock him to sleep, and he even cooed at me a little bit. I could definitely go for more of that.

There is a small layer of snow here. The ground is more or less covered, but it isn't a thick blanket. Art brought all his snow gear, but I don't think he'll need it. I won't complain. I said I wanted snow for Christmas, and I'm going to have snow for Christmas.

My niece is so cute! She's such a big girl now, walking and talking. The last time we saw her, she was still scooting around on her butt. Now she can run, and climb stairs, and she repeats everything we say. Which means we have to be a lot more careful what we say. I'm not saying that I swear at all (because I don't) but what if I say start talking about some idiot driver we encountered on the road, and she overhears that and decides her new favorite word is "idiot"? Perfect. I've just taught my two year old niece to insult people. I don't want to be doing that.

Anyway, I don't really have tons of news to share. The flight was uneventful, but I did watch Julie and Julia, and I loved it! Such a cute movie. And then once we landed, we came here to my parents place, and we've been relaxing and visiting. We have a family gathering tonight, and I'm really looking forward to seeing my cousins and aunts and uncles. And this morning will be spent reading and listening to the cable guy install my parents satellite. That's right. After literally years and years of hearing my dad talk about it, they are finally expanding their television experience beyond the six local channels, otherwise known around these parts as "farmer vision."

It's kind of a big deal.

Well, I'm going to eat some breakfast and get back to my $5 Barnes and Noble novel. What can I say? I love discounts.

Christmas Trip

So the house is totally clean. It feels so good to have such a clean house! Too bad we'll only be able to enjoy it for an evening.

The laundry is half done, I'm showered, Art's parents are coming over today (I think) so that we can exchange Christmas presents with them. And it just occurred to me that we don't have anything for Art's mom. Oops.

I haven't started packing yet, because the laundry isn't done yet. But I should probably at least pull out the suitcases and start organizing piles of things I have to bring. I know I haven't talked about our Manitoba Christmas trip much, but I really am excited. I miss all my family, and I can't wait to be around some snow! Even if it isn't very much snow. It's more than we have here! Because we have none here.

So I returned the coat that Art bought for me. Well, I exchanged it. The one he bought me was a red wool peacoat, and they didn't have a red one in my size, so I got a navy blue one instead. But I still really like it. And then the first day that I wore it, I spilled syrup on it from the candied yams I had made, so I might have to get it dry cleaned.

What is it with me and new, expensive clothes? First the zippers on the fancy boots Art bought me two years ago, then the zipper on my winter parka, then my brand new wool coat. My friend suggested to me that I could just wash it here at home, and then hang it up to dry. If we don't end up doing other laundry all evening, then maybe I'll try that.

Well, I should get going. I still have much to do, and time passes far too quickly when I'm blogging. Merry Christmas everyone! I'll "see" you in a week!

Really, James? Isn't That a Bit of a Tall Order?

"They" say you shouldn't cry over spilled milk.

Am I allowed to cry after I had a hectic, crazy, scattered day at work?

Followed by an unexpected trip south to help Art's sister with her flat tire? On the freeway? In the rain?

Which means that we only got to go grocery shopping at 8pm instead of 6? Which means that we didn't eat dinner until 9:45, instead of 7:30?

And halfway through dinner preparations, the oven broke, so the pizza dough is raw, and we had to heat it up in the microwave?

And the one highlight of the evening was when we exchanged Christmas gifts, and he got me a coat (the doesn't fit) and I got him shoes (that don't fit)?

Is that worse than spilled milk? Am I allowed to cry then?

"Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

Easier said than done, James.

More Deep Thoughts and Christmas Talk

Thanks, everyone, for chiming in on my inner struggles. I don't know if I'm any closer to finding "where the balance is", but I realized something after I shared my thoughts with Art. I don't know if it really matters how far left some of our church's ideas are. Our church's mission is to be as close to the early church model as possible. So we gather around a meal like the first Christians did. And we go out and serve those in our community, giving to those who are in need.

We strive, as much as possible, to "be Jesus" to everyone by meeting their practical needs. We bring baskets of food to needy families who would otherwise not be able to have a Thanksgiving feast. We make bag lunches and hand them out to homeless people. We find out who needs help cleaning their house, or weeding their garden, or painting a fence, or cutting down some trees, or who needs baby clothes and diapers. Or if they just need some cash. Or furniture.

And you know what? Our church really has made a difference. What we do is working. We've been affectionately nicknamed the "ghost busters" of our city. Because when there is a need in the community, who are you gonna call? Us. Our church. So does it matter if they lean a little liberal? People are experiencing Jesus' love in ways that they understand. And I think that is the most important thing.

(I would like to thank my husband for pointing this out to me, and in fewer words too. I, on the other hand, still don't know how to be succinct.)

On an aside, I think it's kind of interesting that the issue of homosexuals in church got the most air time. Interesting because, out of the three issues I mentioned, it's the one I struggle with the least. And while we're on that subject, I forgot to mention that it's a very personal issue with our pastor, because his son is gay. I can't imagine the struggle his family has gone through, trying to love their boy while completely disagreeing with the path he is on. Anyway, I failed to mention that little fact. It may or may not change the discussion.

I would also like to assure everyone that I'm not bombarded with these ideas every Sunday. They have popped up here and there, and they're subtle. Most often, they're mixed into a discussion about something completely different. But I've taken notice, and it's definitely causing me to think.


Onto other matters. Art and I will be in Manitoba in a little more than a week, and I am so excited. There are babies to meet, and families to hug, and snow to play in, and large Christmas trees to enjoy. (We put up our tree a little while ago, and it's pretty. All two feet of it. With its dollar store decorations.) Hopefully someone over there will have a camera and will be taking pictures, and then I will FINALLY have a few pictures to show you. Boy, do I ever miss having a camera. You've probably all forgotten what I look like...

I have other great news: it snowed today!!! We watched the fluffy white flakes fall during the church service. Our pastor had barely finished giving the closing benediction before the kids dashed outside and started throwing snowballs. And by "the kids" I mean Joe and Art.

The snow isn't likely to stay. The temperatures are supposed to be above freezing all week, and we're finally going to get our winter rain. I'm surprised how little it's rained in the past month. I don't think that's normal. It's been unusually cold and frosty. I've been enjoying the sunlight, and seeing all the mountains every morning, but I'm kind of glad that the clouds are rolling in. It makes things a bit warmer. Though I would prefer the clouds to be snow-laden.

I can't believe how time is flying by. We're already halfway through December. My Christmas break from work is only a week away. Our friend-and-family Christmas party here is only a week away. And then a few days after that, we jet off to the prairies.

I wish you all a wonderful Sunday. I just finished downing a late lunch of Arby's, so I'm anticipating a nap in the near future. I just love weekends.

The One Where I Get All Philosophical

I've noticed that a pattern is beginning to develop as far as Sunday mornings go. After church is over, I am hesitant to get up and move about and talk to people. Not because I'm lazy, or transfixed, or scared. It's because I'm deep in thought, and I once I start down the path of asking myself all these questions, I don't want to have to interrupt myself.

It's probably a good thing that I'm not allowed to sit and be antisocial and introspective, because the questions that always come up on Sunday mornings are sobering. I always leave church in a state of solemnity, and I don't really like it. I'm not comfortable with all these thoughts and questions that invade my mind every week. Probably because I don't have any answers. Here are some of the topics swirling around in my brain today.


Homosexuals

Let me start by saying that I believe the Bible is very clear on this topic. God says that homosexuality is a sin. I also think that homosexuality is a sin. So there's no problem there. The thing I'm uncomfortable with is what my pastor said one morning. He made it clear that our church accepts homosexuals. He didn't say whether or not our church condones the practice of homosexuality. But he did say he wanted our church to be known as the church that doesn't turn them away.

So it go me thinking: do other churches turn homosexuals away? Are homosexuals even interested in going to church? Is this even an issue? Why would a gay or lesbian person want to attend church? They know that churches contain Christians, and Christians condemn that lifestyle. So why would they even darken a church door? And if our church makes a point of inviting them to be a part of our gathering, then does that mean that my church thinks that homosexuality is okay?

And what happens if we actually did have homosexuals in our church? Would we have to make a disclaimer every Sunday, saying that we love them and that God loves them, but we really hope they turn from that lifestyle? And what about those verses in the New Testament about church members who blatantly and defiantly live in sin? The church leaders are supposed to talk to them in private and ask them to repent, and if that person does not, they are asked to leave the church.

Christians are supposed to be light and love to all people, but we also can't ignore sin. How do we reconcile the two? Where is the line?


Justice

This one is even more difficult to wrap my brain around, because it's more vague a concept. I hear that word a lot in church, and I have to confess, I don't really know what it means. So I looked it up in the dictionary. It has to do with being good, fair, right or righteous, and honorable. Doing the right thing, following and upholding the law.

Then I looked up justice in a concordance, to see what the Bible has to say about it. The Old Testament laws have a lot to say about not perverting justice, or denying someone of justice. It also admonishes kings and leaders to make sure to administer justice, and not turn ignore wrong-doing. But the Bible also says that ultimately, it is God who brings justice.

Our church makes it clear that one of our purposes is to bring justice to our community. And you know what? I really don't know how to do that. Am I not promoting justice by following the law? Is there more to it than that? I am not a judge or a cop. I cannot make others obey the law. How do I bring justice to others? Does that mean that I go out and punish whoever has done them wrong? What if they did themselves wrong?

I feel like whenever people talk about bringing justice to the world, or to a community, they are specifically referring to poor people. How does one bring justice to a poor person? Are the majority of poor people in their present financial situation because someone else made them poor? And if someone made them poor, is there someone who is also keeping them poor? And if so, how do we fix that?

I'll be honest. I think that the whole "justice for poor people" is a flawed, liberal idea that says it's our job to get poor people out of there poverty. I'm all for charity, and helping someone in need, but I don't think you can make a poor person rich just by giving them money, or buying them a house, or a car, or whatever.

If a person is irresponsible with their finances, or they are holding onto an addiction or habit that ties up their income, then poverty isn't the real problem. The problem is that they are choosing irresponsibility and sin, instead of taking care of their needs.

Of course we need to love those people, and we should try to help them, but you can only go so far. If they don't want help, or if they want someone else to pick up the slack for them, then we shouldn't be enabling their crooked thinking and living by continuing to give them money.

Again I say: where is the line? Should we continue buying groceries for someone who is already receiving welfare from the government for groceries, but they spend most of that money on cigarettes and alcohol? God tells us not to forget the widows and the poor. But how can we bring justice to someone who has brought injustice on themselves?


Oppression

There is one song that we sing in our church that talks about how we are all "city lights." We are to bring light to every dark corner of the world. One of the lines in that song says that we must shine for "the rich who still oppress." And it ties in with the whole justice idea. But I fear that it's just another liberal line, that poor people are poor because they are oppressed by rich people. And rich people are rich because they are greedy and oppressive.

I had to look this word up in the dictionary as well, because I didn't have a clear sense of what it meant. The first definition by Merriam-Webster is: to crush or burden by abuse of power or authority. Now I know that money is power. But I feel like a lot of people hate those who are wealthy because they think that the wealthy got to that place by stepping on everyone below them.

I thought that wealth was gained by good, old-fashioned hard work, saving, discipline, and smart investing. Do these things oppress? I think not. So how does a rich person oppress? Do they flaunt their wealth to those less fortunate? Do they make a habit of employing people to work for them, and then not pay them enough?

Also, what defines wealth? How much money does a person have to have before they are considered rich? And what does this have to do with oppression? Can one be oppressive simply through inaction? By not being charitable with the money they've earned, are they oppressing poor people? Where do these ideas come from?


Now, I love my church. They are trying their hardest to make a difference in our city by meeting practical needs, and it shows. But every once in a while, they say these things that make me uncomfortable, because I don't know exactly what they mean by them.

What do they mean when they say that we are a gay-loving church? What do they mean when they say our mission is to bring justice to the poor? What do they mean when they say we need to shine for rich people who oppress? And should I be okay with these things? Are these Biblical ideas?

And what if they are wrong? Does it matter? Is all the good work that they are doing negated by a few flawed beliefs? Are these deal breakers?

I struggle with these thoughts every Sunday when I come away from a church service. And I'm not any closer to figuring them out. I'm not specifically asking you for the answers, but you are free to chime in if you want.

This Is What Happens When I Only Blog Once a Week

I'm sitting here blogging because I'm avoiding the dishes. Which is dumb, because I've been avoiding them since Tuesday. I was so determined to keep up with the dishes this week, and wash small piles of dishes every day, instead of waiting for a mountain to form, and then tackling them. There is no mountain. Yet. I should probably keep it that way.

I'm sitting here blogging because what I really wanted to do was laundry. Again, something else I've been meaning to do all week, and I just forgot. Which is a shame, because someone else decided to do there laundry today. So both machines will be occupied for a few hours.

I hope I at least get one load done. There is a certain sweater that needs washing that I want to wear tomorrow (and I've known this all week long, so it's my fault that I waited till now). But this sweater HAS to be washed, because it's my nicest one, and Art and I are going to our very first company Christmas party tomorrow!

It's his work party, and I want to make a good impression on all these people I hear so much about. I'm kind of nervous. To be completely honest, I'm mostly nervous about meeting one person in particular. I've heard about her and I've seen pictures of her, and she is basically the hottest woman I have ever seen (in real life. Movie stars don't count as "real"). So I'm a tiny bit jealous that Art works with her, and I'm just afraid I'm going to feel drab while being in the same room as her.

Yeah yeah, I know you're all going to think/say "Jenene, you are so beautiful, don't even think those thoughts." Thank you, that's very kind of you. I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm just spilling my thoughts.

Enough about laundry and jealousy. I got a new can opener today, and I'm more excited about it than I probably should be. But ours is a piece of junk, and this one is made from titanium alloy, which just sounds so fancy. Fancy for a can opener. And it was on sale. Plus, I got to spend a few minutes at the kitchen store at the mall. I love that store. Which is funny, because I'm not someone who loves to spend a lot of time in the kitchen. But I just love that store! And I'm really tired of going to war just to make some mushroom soup.

I also got my boot fixed! What boot, you ask? Well. Art bought me a beautiful pair of boots for Christmas almost two years ago. Beautiful, expensive boots. And I wore them for three months, and then the zipper on one of them broke. I was a little unimpressed, considering how much money they cost. I couldn't take them back to the store, because I was in Canada, and Art bought them in the US. So I brought the boot to a shoe repair, and it she kept saying "Come back next week", and then the next week it wouldn't be ready, and I would have to wait another week.

By the time the boot was fixed, it was spring, and too warm to wear them. Then I got married, and moved, and didn't take them with me. My mom brought them with her when she visited last fall, and I discovered that the zipper on the other boot was broken. How does a zipper break on a boot I'm not wearing? Anyway, I didn't get that one fixed last year, because we were broker than broke, and boot zippers were NOT a priority.

Finally, last week I was determined that I would wear these boots again. Art paid good money for them, and had never seen me wear them, and they still look new. So I brought it to a shoe repair place at the mall, and THIS guy knows what he's doing. He said "Come back next week", and sure enough, they were done in one week. And here they are!!!



This picture is two years old. That is not my current sidewalk/yard. We do not have snow. But that is the only picture I have of them. Aren't they splendiferous?

So yeah. I'm pretty happy about that. I also bought myself some chocolate today, because I haven't done that in a while.

And then tomorrow I get paid, and I'm going to do my online Christmas shopping this weekend. Except I have no idea what to get for Art. Ideas? My budget is $15.

Ooh, and I learned to crochet a little while ago! I haven't practiced much, but it's easier and faster than knitting. So I should probably do more of it. But I'm too busy these days watching Art's birthday present. I bought him Season 5 of The Office, so we've spent our evenings blazing through those discs.

We have a tradition with The Office. It's our show. And we don't watch it on TV. We wait until the season is over, and then we buy it when it comes out on dvd a few months later. And then we watch the whole thing in as few days as possible. It's great. Those evenings are not a waste of time at all. Because it's our tradition. So don't tell me anything about Season 6. We'll be watching it next September.

Someone else bought Art Season 2 of The Office for his birthday, so we'll probably watch that once we're done with Season 5. I remember really liking Season 2. And now we have the whole collection.

So let's see, what haven't I talked about yet? Oh work. How is work? Work is.......you know what? Work isn't stressful. It's draining. There's a difference. When we're all busy cranking through order entry because they're coming in like crazy, that is stressful. But since there are so many random things that prevent us from entering orders because our new database isn't completely done being programmed for all the things we need to do (and won't be for at least another year), it takes so loooong to get anything done.

We all have so many questions, and we can hardly keep track of some of the answers we've been given, and the people who can answer us are being pulled in every direction......work drags. Everything we do drags. It's not stressful, it's draining. I can't wait until most of these kinks are worked out, and we can finally start feeling like we're getting into a rhythm.

Thankfully, my manager is hiring another seasonal to help us out. She's going to start conducting interviews next week already. So I might have a new coworker just before Christmas. And they will be doing what I'm doing. I'm not sure if I will still be doing what I'm doing. We kind of need two of us working "behind the scenes", because one person cannot keep up. I would know, because I've been trying to keep up, and it's not working.

Someone said that there is a chance that we might be working over our Christmas break. Our company closes for two straight weeks over Christmas, which is great, because Art and I are going to Manitoba for Christmas this year. But the break is unpaid for me, because I'm still seasonal.

Anyway, there is so much backlog to catch up on, they might need us on those "closed" days (except for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day). Art and I will still go on our one-week trip, but I wouldn't mind being able to work on those other days. More money for me. So don't tell any of my coworkers, but I actually hope they end up calling us in.

So yeah. It's not exactly fun, but I like feeling necessary, like I'm making a difference. Anytime I feel like complaining, I remember that this time last year, Art had just lost his full time job, and I was crying out to God in desperation. Now, we're both working full time, and we are staying ahead of the bills and rent. I have a lot to be thankful for.

I don't know why I always end these posts with work-related things. I don't want to end on a depressing note. So I'll end by telling you that I'm hoping to set up our tiny Christmas tree this weekend as well. I bought some more decorations from the dollar store last weekend, so I think our tree will be perfectly full this year. Yay!