Revenge On The Mall Gods!

Well, Wednesday turned out to be just a fantastic day. Let me start by saying that I love my chiropractor. No, not that kind of love, like how I love my boyfriend. I just mean that he is a great chiropractor and I'm very thankful for what he does.

I used to hate chiropractors. I had gone to one only once, and he jerked me around and it hurt. This guy doesn't do that. It's painless (except of course if you are already in pain from, say....falling down the stairs?), it's expensive (not so happy about that) and it works.

Since Monday I was all tight and stiff, and I was afraid of making any sudden movements that might break one of my precious bones. I went to him, told him what had happened, and he told me what I had done.

Apparently my sacrum had shifted (that's the very bottom part of your spine. Think tail bone), and my right leg was longer than my left leg. Well, that's not healthy. But before he even adjusted me, he rolled his hands along my spine between my shoulder blades and cracked my back (which, by the way, is not a bad thing if done properly).

I immediately felt the difference! He had barely done anything and I already felt better. He did a couple of neck adjustments, a couple of hip adjustments, I stood up and felt like a new woman. It was amazing. It was such a huge difference! I couldn't believe how great I felt!

The pain isn't totally gone, but at least my spine is in place! I went again on Thursday, I'm going again on Monday, and I'm really looking forward to feeling totally normal again. I'm also looking forward to being more paranoid about stairs. Kidding.

So that part was already fantastic. Then me and my mom went to the mall to get some pizza. Yumyumyumyumyumyumyum. So things are just getting better and better by the minute.

Then: we did some shopping. We ended up in a store that I vowed I would never go to because I thought it was overpriced. 90 minutes and $62 later, I left the mall feeling like the most satisfied woman on earth. I purchased for myself none other than Cutest Jacket In The Whole World!!!!!!!



Here it is, isn't it just wonderful?

I also got myself a couple of brightly-colored camis to go with it. I can't wear them just yet, because it's not warm enough. But it's something to look forward to. Oh, and my mom bought me an early birthday present in the form of an adorable white top.

But I won't be able to show any pictures until my birthday, because I won't actually get the shirt until then. But it was just such a great day. It definitely made up for my previous mall experience.




*Sigh* I love clothes. Is that wrong? I hope not.

Work work work

I hate filing. HATE. And I have lots of it to do today. *whimper*

Timber

Yeah. So...I fell down the stairs yesterday. These stairs, specifically.


Going up ........................ and going down.

They lead down to my room, which is where I was going. I did have a phone in my hand, I was talking to Art, hence my going down to my room (for privacy). Some may argue that I was distracted, like when people are driving and talking on their cell phone at the same time. But driving requires concentration.

And considering that I have lived in my house for nearly 10 years, having gone up and down those very stairs millions of times, I really didn't think that I needed to concentrate all that hard. Besides, they're carpeted steps, and it's a short staircase. How bad could it be?

Well I didn't go flying or tumbling head over heels, but man, am I ever sore! I kind of lost my footing, fell onto my butt and back, and bounced down a couple of steps. I also snapped my head back, or my neck, or something. So I had insta-headache. I have minor rug burn on my elbows, back and butt, I bruised my tail bone, and I have just general body ache.

Here's the best part: I had visited the Chiropractor only 2 hours before. *Jenene takes a bow* Thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen. And for my next trick, I'm going to visit the dentist, and then I'm going to come home and have somebody punch me in the face so that they knock one of my teeth out!

Or maybe I'll just go back to the Chiropractor. I guess there's one good thing in the timing of this accident: my work benefits officially kicked in today. So I'll be taking full advantage of that. But for now I'm just going to try to be very careful.

And I might temporarily develop an unnatural fear of stairs. (It's called Climacophobia. There's a whole website devoted to helping people overcome this...disability.)

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!

Well people, it's the moment of truth. If you read my March 20th post, you'll know that last week I put none other than Almighty God to the test: I needed a plane ticket, and it had to be reasonable. No paying $600 for a bad deal. I needed the right days, times, and price. And the deadline was today.

Remember what I said about Air Canada's wonderful base price? Well I should explain to you that it actually went up about $5 from what it used to be, but I'm still okay with that.

Well, I went to aircanada.com just a few minutes ago, and this is what I found: the departing flight price (Apr.19) AND the returning flight price (Apr.24) are LOWER than Air Canada's FORMER base price!!!!!!!!! God more than answered my prayers!

I was perfectly okay with paying their current base price for both flights, and I really only needed one flight price to go down, and He made them BOTH go down!!!! He is so so so so so so good!! So now all I need is for my mom to call me with her credit card number so I can book the flight (b/c I don't have my own credit card).

God is just so amazing. And I guess so is Air Canada right now. *insert one million reverent Thank-You's here*

Goals

By the way, I completed another goal last Saturday. Goal #78: Watch Indiana Jones ALL the way through.

Once upon time, in college, we were having an Indiana Jones marathon, and I was just too tired to sit up and watch the entirety of the last one. It's something that Art was kind of bugging me about, so I did for him more than anything. But it's not like it was torture for me. They're really good movies!

Leaving On A Jet Plane. Hopefully.

On April 23, 2006 I graduated from Pacific Life Bible college (in Surrey, BC) with my Associate of Arts in the Institute of Music Ministry. I spent 2 amazing years there, and when I graduated, I couldn't believe that it was all over already.

Well NOW I can't believe that it's been nearly a year since "it was all over." It's unbelievable how time has passed. I miss my friends there, I miss my teachers, I miss BC in general. I promised myself and everybody else that I would be back for grad the following year.

Well, it's the following year, and grad is only a month away. I still fully intend to be there, and of course, I have even more incentive to make a trip out west, because my boyfriend is there. So here's how vacation planning has been going for the past 3 months.

PLAN A: Since grad is on the 21st and 22nd of April (Saturday and Sunday), I should probably fly out the Thursday before. Flights will be cheaper. I don't want to take too much time off of work, but I still want to make it worth while, so 3 days off of work for a total of 5-days vacation sounded like a good plan.

Work on Thursday, April 19th, fly to Vancouver that evening, be in BC/WA until Tuesday, April 25, and fly home that evening. Be back at work on Wednesday morning. But first I had to talk to the payroll lady at work so she could calculate how many days vacation I will have earned by the time April 20 rolls around. She told me I would have four days! I was pumped! If I had four days, why not use them?

PLAN B: Still fly out to BC on April 19th in the evening, but stay one day longer, and fly home Wed. evening, April 26. Very very nice plan. Even better than the first. But then me and Payroll Lady had another talk, and she told me she had calculated wrong. By the time April 20 rolls around, I won't have 4 days. I won't even have the original 3 days I had planned on taking. Nope. I'm only going to have 2.75 days. Crap.

Well, that's the way it works at my job: you have to earn your hours, and you can't take vacation hours that you haven't earned. It makes sense. So then I thought, well, it sucks if I can't go to grad, but I still want to see Art at some point, so I guess I can wait one more month to see him; we'll survive.

PLAN C: Wait a whole 'nother month, and fly out Thur. evening, May 17, stay for 5 days total (3 days off of work), fly home Tues. evening, May 22. Sounds reasonable. I would have the vacation hours, plus it would be even warmer; I really can't complain.

Guess what: there's another glitch in the plan. See, one of my co-workers is pregnant, and she is due within the first two weeks of June, so she'll be taking Mat leave before that. I know that our company will be hiring for her position within a few weeks, so the month of May will be used to train this new person. The new person will either be in the middle of training, or just starting on their own when I want to leave.

My preggo co-worker knows more about reception than anyone else in the office, and she is the one who fills in for me when I'm away (even if it's just to go to the bathroom). So my leaving directly affects her and whoever will be filling in for her. So if I took a vacation in May, I would be leaving her to train this person for her job, as well as mine, and while she's training, she would still have to do her job (as well as mine). So PLAN C was quickly ix-nayed.

By this time I was getting a bit frustrated and worried. I just want to take a vacation!! So I talked with my supervisor, and she agreed that PLAN C was the worst idea. So she suggested to me that I take my vacation in April like I had intended, take 3 days off of work even though I would only have earned 2.75 days, and she'll bend the system to make it work.

Okay then. So we're back at PLAN A. The decision has been made and approved, so all that's left for me to do is book my flight! I head on over to aircanada.com, and guess what I encounter: another glitch!!! *insert growling here*

The cost of a ticket for Thur. evening, April 19 is sitting at Air Canada's very-reasonable, perfectly-acceptable base price. Awesome. The cost of a ticket for Tues. evening, April 25 is over $150 MORE than that wonderful base price. Add to that $90 worth of extra fees, sur-charges, taxes and what-not, and we have a formula for an insanely expensive flight, and I'm not even flying first class!!!

So then I looked at the airfare for a returning flight the following day: also sitting at that very-reasonable, perfectly-acceptable base price. Let's think about this for a moment: I get to be with my boyfriend longer, AND I save money?? I win!!! Except that means taking 4 days off of work, and I don't have 4 days!! I don't even have 3!

I decided to do something then that I should have done months ago: pray. I prayed about it. I'm still praying about it. I pray about it every time I think about it. Unfortunately my prayer involves giving God an ultimatum, and I also gave Him a time limit, but I think He's okay with that, because He knows I have to figure this out soon.

I have to start arranging people to cover my job while I'm away, and these arrangements should start next week. So this is what I told God: "I am NOT paying that stupidly high price to take the "Supervisor-Approved" vacation. This mission, should You choose to accept it, is to make that returning flight price go down, or You give me favor with my superiors so that they will let me take 4 days off of work. You have till next Monday."

Anybody who is reading this may also join me in this prayer.

It feels good to submit this to God though. I feel like He's building my faith, and that's what I want. The theme of my life lately is Faithful. Learning how God is ALWAYS faithful, He always has been faithful and He's not going to change. Ever.

So I'm going to trust that The Great Creator of the Universe, the All-Mighty, Everlasting God can do anything. Even get me a plane ticket.

The Mall Gods Are Mocking Me

I learned a very important lesson a couple of days ago: shopping isn't fulfilling. "Well duh," say some of you. As a general rule, I am aware of this. But on Tuesday, I forgot.

See, I got my pay cheque the Friday before, and I have just been waiting to go shopping. I was looking forward to it for a very long time. Most of the items I bought were necessities: shampoo, facial lotion, band-aids...you know, fun stuff like that.

But I had extra money. On purpose. I was planning to splurge, buy something extra, treat myself. And everybody knows how wonderful it feels to treat yourself.

A couple of weeks ago I saw the cutest piece of clothing ever invented. A summer suit jacket, short, cap sleeves, couple of buttons, meant to be worn over an equally-cute, lacy top.

Well I just had to have it! And on this occassion, I could certainly afford it. So I made my way to the store where I was sure I had seen it (my new favourite store, by the way, because they have so many clothes to be worn at the office). I got there, and much to my accute horror and dismay, it wasn't there!

In fact, the clerk at the store said that it never had been there. Well it had to be somewhere, because I saw it! And I fell in love with it! (And I don't fall in love with figments of my imagination. Usually.)

So I walked around the WHOLE mall, searching every other store even though I knew nobody would have it. I had such high hopes for this day and they were dashed to a thousand pieces. I was already tired and shopped-out, having made all my necessary purchases before and now having to lug my heavy Wal-Mart bags around.

After the Great Jacket Disappearance, I managed to pull myself together, and off I trudged to Payless Shoes, hoping to comfort myself a little. Big mistake. Instead of easing my pain, it was only provoked and made worse!

You see, I have small feet. Size 5. Brand Name shoe stores do not even carry shoes in my size. Payless does, but their selection is limited, at best. I am used to seeing only one or two shoes that I like. What I am NOT used to is seeing half a wall FULL of the most beautiful shoes a girl could want, and all in my size! This NEVER happens!!! Why now?! Why today?! I don't need any shoes right now, I don't have the money for shoes right now, so of course there would be 40 pairs of shoes, all perfectly desirable, and all just out of reach.

This was more than I could bear. First, I can't get what I want. Then I want what I can't have!

First plan of action: attempt to drown my sorrows in a deliciously greasy poutine from New York Fries.

Then I marched back to Favorite-Store-That-Didn't-Have-The-One-Thing-I-Wanted-With-All-My-Heart and I picked out something else that I kind of liked. I had planned on buying clothes for quite some time and I was determined to follow through. I ended up getting this:

And a pair of earrings to match.

So even though it was an evening of great disappointment, my efforts weren't completely futile. I also got myself a new purse, which I am quite in love with, and I bought my first wallet, which is equal in lovliness.

I returned home from all of this feeling tired, disappointed, half successful and only sort of satisfied, but I will try to remember this from now on: I should not place my hopes in what I think money can buy me, but I should instead, "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; for my hope comes from Him." - Psalm 62:5

I Thank You, God, For This Amazing Day

I am incurably happy today. Think of the happiest thing you can, and I am as happy as that. It is just such a beautiful day. It is so warm and sunny outside, and the short walk from home to work did wonders for my mood and disposition.

I feel as though nothing can get me down, not even cranky customers calling in, nor filing (which I hate). I am having the best day. And it is certainly needed.

I did not have that great of a weekend. It wasn't horrible. I was busy, but not crazy busy (I don't like being busy). I think part of it was because it was mine and Art's 8-month anniversary yesterday, and we barely got to talk. We were both busy the whole weekend, plus there's the time zone difference to factor in, and I really missed him. I just wanted to be able to spend some quality time on the phone, having a much-needed conversation. But his phone died.

So we tried MSN, but I hate MSN, it's so inadequate when you have a lot of catching up to do. It was our 8 month anniversary, there were only 15 minutes left in the day, and I couldn't even enjoy them the way I wanted to. It was just so disappointing, I felt the whole weekend had been wasted, and I was not in a good mood when I finally went to bed.

I prayed before I fell asleep, asking God to comfort me and change my attitude, because dwelling on my grumpiness was not going to get me the sleep I needed.

I woke up this morning very tired and hoping the day would pass by quickly, so I could get to the evening when Art and I would get to have a proper conversation. But in that 10 minutes it takes me to get from home to work, I had cheered up a little, until I was at least agreeable. By the time I went home for lunch I had reached the state of happy.

And now? Now I'm almost giddy!! My heart feels so light, and I just want to run around outside and spin in circles and breathe in all that wonderful spring air. But I'm trying to remember to direct all of that cheerfulness into praise and thankfulness to God, because it's He that made this beautiful day, and it's He who fills me with joy. He cheered me up when I needed it

"For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD; I sing for joy at the works of your hands." - Psalm 92:4

Goals For My Life

Once upon a time I decided to write a list of goals to accomplish in my life. This isn't 101 Goals In 1001 Days or anything. These are just all the goals that I can think of that I would like to achieve before I die.

They are in no particular order, and I don't actually expect to accomplish every single one (ex. #83 or #94), but it's fun to think about, and it keeps me motivated.

(By the way, I first wrote this list on July 29, 2006, and I had 84 then. I've now listed 112 goals, and I've accomplished 29 so far.)

1. Go skinny dipping
2. Ride in a hot-air balloon
3. See a rain forest (check)(Aug.26/06)
4. Go to South America
5. Go to Italy
6. Go to New Zealand
7. Get a professional massage (check)(Jul.26/08)
8. Ride a train
9. Ride a train all the way across Canada
10. Go further east in Canada than Kenora, Ontario.
11. Master the English language
12. Expand my french
13. Learn Spanish
14. Write songs about things other than love and God
15. Write a song that is complex like poetry (a la Jason Mraz)
16. Write a book of poetry
17. Memorize lots of poetry
18. Memorize hundreds of verses from the Bible
19. Read the Bible cover to cover
20. Own a drawer full of cool, comfy underwear. That fits.
21. Own lots of dresses and skirts
22. Have occasions to wear all those dresses and skirts
23. Fool someone into thinking that I'm rich and somehow famous
24. Fool someone into thinking that I'm from a foreign country
25. Become a sensational piano player
26. Lead someone to Christ
27. Be excellent at mental math
28. Have rock-hard abs
29. Get lasik eye surgery
30. Obtain some useful computer skills
31. Create a giant collage
32. Learn to swing dance, line dance, and salsa dance
33. Have whiter teeth
34. Read The Silmarillion
35. Read ALL The Chronicles of Narnia
36. Have a library in my home
37. Collect one more porcelain doll (check)(Dec.7/06)
38. Have a display case for all my porcelain dolls
39. Pet a killer whale
40. Pet a lion
41. Pet a tiger
42. See any or all of these animals in their natural habitat
43. Hike up a small mountain
44. Go skydiving
45. Own an expensive, intelligent talking parrot
46. Own a high-quality digital camera (check)(Dec.24/08)
47. Learn to take really great pictures with this camera (check)(Jan./09)
48. Quit Subway and get a higher paying job (check)(Dec.19/06)
49. Pay off my loan (check)(Jul.13/07)
50. Get a new mattress (check)(Sep.14/08)
51. Own a car that isn't a piece of crap
52. Totally organize my dad's office
53. Get married to my perfect match (check)(Jul.19)
54. Have smart, beautiful children
55. Learn to cook well
56. Learn to grow something and keep it alive
57. Read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
58. Own FOTR and TTT in the extended DVD versions
59. Understand how cars work
60. Pump my own gas (check)(Aug.28/06)
61. See the sun rise over the Grand Canyon
62. Try sushi and not vomit (check)(Sep.15/08)
63. Eat frog legs
64. Own my favorite Dr. Suess book, If I Ran the Zoo (check)(Aug.3/07)
65. Learn how to use a cell phone (check)(June 2007)
66. Learn to decorate my house
67. Make a lasting and permanent difference in someones life
68. Finally do a LOTR marathon
69. Have a dream from God
70. Own Pride and Prejudice (the DVD) (check)(Sep.21/06)
71. Read Pride and Prejudice (the book) (check)(Mar.4/06)
72. Give blood
73. Pass on the Christian heritage that my grandparents passed on to me
74. Own a Bible Commentary with true contexts, meanings, and translations from Hebrew and Greek
75. Sponsor a child (check)(Apr.1/07)
76. Learn to swim underwater w/o plugging my nose
77. Sing like Eva Cassidy
78. Watch Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade ALL the way through (check)(Mar.17/07)
79. Own season 3 of Gilmore Girls (check)(May 2007)
80. Own more clothes in purple (my favorite color)
81. Know all 50 States and their capitols
82. Know the names and locations of every country in the world
83. Become un-allergic to caffeine
84. Visit Colorado
85. Have a banana split (check)(Jul.22/08)
86. Go to a Wal-Mart in the middle of the night (check)(Aug/08)
87. See a tornado (and not die)
88. Cook the best steak EVER just once. (check)(Feb.15/09)
89. I used to have something here, but I deleted it because it's kind of private. But I know what it is.
90. Sleep all day. In a large comfy bed. In a tropical place.
91. Go to an oxygen bar (check)(Aug.20/06)
92. Be in 4 states at once
93. Ride in the front of a cop car
94. See the end of the rainbow
95. Know more about rock music
96. Walk under a waterfall
97. Become a pro at whitewater rafting
98. Go to an Ikea (check)(Aug.23/06)
99. Go ice blocking (check)(Aug.26/06)
100. Go camping. For real.
101. Use an airplane bathroom (check)(Aug.23/06)
102. Get a professional manicure (check)(Sep.22/06)
103. Get a professional pedicure (check) (Apr. 20/07)
104. See a tropical rain forest (see goal #3)
105. Read The Count of Monte Cristo (It's my favorite movie) (check)(Jan.14/07)
106. Spend an entire day in a bookstore (check)(Nov.9/08)
107. Meet Tony Bennet
108. See and/or hold a Pygmy Marmoset (the smallest monkey in the world!)
109. Drive across the Confederation Bridge (11 mile bridge connecting PEI and New Brunswick)
110. Watch a rocket launching. Live. In person.
111. Send a message in a bottle
112. Attend a concert held by the one and only Eric Whitacre and his choir

That's all for now. Be sure to check back on a regular basis to see if I've achieved one or added one.

It All Started With A Wedding

So I just returned from a wedding, held at the Heritage Centre here in my town. I don't know the groom, but I do know the bride: she was a former co-worker of mine. It was a nice wedding.

It was a Christian ceremony, which always makes me feel more comfortable. The place was beautifully decorated, the ceremony was short so that they could get on with the food and partying. The food was good, and the bride was, of course, gorgeous. And now I am sitting at home, and I am sad.

One shouldn't feel sad after a wedding, but I do. Maybe it's because I can't say that I had tons of fun. I knew a few people there, but not very well. Maybe it's because I only used to work with the bride, but I quit that job over two months ago, so I didn't feel that connected anymore. Or maybe it's because I miss Art.

For those of you who don't know, I'm NOT lamenting over an ex-boyfriend, or a deceased person. Nothing of the sort. Art is my (very much alive) boyfriend of 8 months (tomorrow, in fact), and I love him very very very very (etc., etc.) much. We certainly don't have any intentions of ever NOT being a couple.

But our relationship is a bit different than most, and certainly not the way we would have it if we could change it in the blink of an eye. I live here, on the prairies, in the middle of Canada. Art lives by the ocean, on the west coast of the United States. We met at Bible College last year, and at some point in the future I will detail our story on here. But the point is that he is so far away.

When I'm at weddings, all I can ever think about is: "I can't wait for my turn to come." And on this particular occasion, my thoughts were, well, jealous thoughts. Jealous that my friend beside me could attend this wedding with her boyfriend, and that they would be able to dance together. Romance was in the air, and I was alone. I'm not single, but I was still alone.

If any single person is reading this, you are probably thinking, "Well at least you have a boyfriend." Yes, you are absolutely correct. I do have a boyfriend; I love having a boyfriend; I love Art, I am crazy about him, and I want to keep him. Forever. He is so much a part of me, that now I understand the phrase "my other half." Art is my other half.

But can you imagine being one thousand, seven hundred, and twenty-eight miles apart from half of yourself? It's difficult. And if it sounds like I'm complaining, let me just clarify that he is TOTALLY worth it. But it's still difficult. On every one of our monthly anniversaries, I hope that our schedules will line up so we can talk on the phone. On Valentine's Day, I had a date.

My date looked like this:

(I talked to Art on the phone)

My date took place here:

(my bedroom)

At midnight on New Year's, I had to imagine a kiss. And at this wedding today, I simply wished he had been sitting beside me, and looking at me, and telling me that I looked beautiful. (Instead, I had a big, bald, bearded guy sitting beside me, telling me that he hoped there would be alcohol later on).

Despite all of these slightly sad thoughts, I still have this to say: Art, I love you so much. You are the most incredible man in the world, and you amaze me even more because you actually want to put up with me for the rest of your life, and you are willing to endure the distance until we can be together. Forever.

One MOMENT Please!

These past couple of months have revealed to me something about myself that does not please me; an incompetence of sorts. It's small, it may not seem to be a big deal, and when I think about it, it's downright silly! But it still bugs me, mostly because I cannot figure out for the life of me why this is such a problem.

For some reason, I cannot (properly) say the words "One moment please."

And now you are all thinking, "Jenene, are you serious? This is your big problem?" I know!! They are seemingly easy words, and when I practice saying them to myself, they come out just fine! Oh, and by the way, I am a Receptionist. My primary job is to answer the phone, and transfer those calls to the correct people. And we get a lot of phone calls.

So I have to say those horrible words hundreds of times every day. Can you see how this is a bit of a dilemma for me? I know I speak quickly, so I've tried to slow down a bit, but still, those words insist on tumbling out of my mouth in a most unprofessional manner.

It usually sounds more like, "One mment please" or "One momeh please" or "One momn please" or "One mome please" or "Wemomen please", and the worst by far: "One mmm please." I mean, come ON!!! Why is it so ridiculously difficult for me to say 3 simple words?! 97% of the time it won't come out the way I would like it to. I think about it every time I answer a phone call. (And remember, I answer a lot of phone calls in one day). So I think about it a lot. A LOT. *SIGH*

But I will keep on persevering (not like I have a choice) and every call that I answer is another opportunity for me to say it right; but hold that thought, I'm getting a call, one moment please...

On Guard

So I am currently reading the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. I know, it was published two years ago already, and many of you may have already read it, but I haven't. At the turn of every page I find a new idea or insight that makes me have to stop reading, because I have to let it sink in and ponder it for a while.

In the very first chapter, there is a section called The Heart of a Woman. Now I'm not going to repeat every idea that was laid out there, or give all my thoughts on the subject (because then I would never stop writing). But I am going to mention the verse that was referenced there, and the ponderings it created.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23).

Normally, when I read this verse, I think of two things.
1. Guarding my heart means that I'm not letting anything bad into my heart.
2. If bad stuff does get into my heart, it means that my heart was unguarded.

But then a different idea occurred to me: what if my heart is guarded all the time, but I'm guarding against the wrong things?

I imagine my heart as a castle. I own that castle, and I've appointed myself to tell the guards who can come in, and who has to stay out. For some reason, I've been tricked, and I don't recognize my enemies, so I allow them in, and I let them stay. Things like darkness, lies, anger, fear, and doubt start to fill my domain until I can hardly recognize it.

I'm so blinded, that when the King of the castle arrives, I keep Him out!! I'm ashamed at what has happened to His home, and I don't want to let Him see it. I've become accustomed to the darkness, so I'm afraid of the light. I've made a new kind of home, and for Him to come in and tear it down, well...even if it's for the better, it's still going to hurt. In essence, I've told my castle guards to make sure that evil doesn't get out, and that goodness doesn't get in.

Well, I need to tell my guards a new message. Or maybe I just need new guards! Or maybe I should relinquish the decision-making to the One who knows all, and knows what's best, and let Him decide who to let in, and who to keep out. If my heart is filled with darkness, what kind of life is going to be "springing" out of my "well"? Icky, bitter, gross-looking, bad-smelling life. Or no life at all.

Well I want life!! I want lots of life, and I want it to look good and feel good (and smell good?). I want to be filled with the kind of life that has Jesus in control, and because my life is so centered on Christ, it starts to look less like me and more like Him.

So by all means, follow Proverbs 4:23, guard your heart. But make sure your guards are doing their job. Make sure they're taking their orders from Above.

Well, Here I Am

So, I've finally decided to start a blogspot. I am officially a blogger. I feel compelled to announce this achievement in my first blog, despite knowing how common a subject it is for a first blog. I must say, there was a surprising amount of hesitation on my part to start blogging, for a number of rather silly reasons, I suppose:

1. What if I get addicted?
2. What if I didn't get addicted, and then totally neglected it, defeating the purpose of having said blogspot?
3. What if I go overboard with sharing my thoughts, and my blogs end up being an endless rant of deep thoughts that nobody even wants to attempt to wade through? (I tend to be wordy).
4. What if my blog is boring?
5. What if I don't have anything to blog, because all of my thoughts are too private?

Yes, I actually considered all of these things. This is a big deal for me. I mean, if I'm going to start this thing, I might as well follow through with it. And now that I've just admitted all these things to whoever is reading, I'm accountable to my words, and therefore must continue blogging. So yay. Welcome, Jenene, to the world of blogging.