And the Moral of the Story Is: Government Programs Suck.

I think I'm going to rant a little. Can I just rant a little? Or maybe a lot? I'm angry, and frustrated, and disappointed, and I just want to get this off my chest. If you don't think you can handle this side of me, then by all means, stop reading, and instead, immerse yourself in the endless happiness of this website.

(Did you actually click on it? I bet you didn't. I bet you're just waiting for me to tell you that it's the Disney website. Because it is.)

Yesterday. Oh yesterday. Yesterday was supposed to be supremely glorious. The day when I finally got to dress up. The day when I finally got to leave the house. The day when I finally felt like I was important; that I had a purpose, that I was no longer an invisible, unknown part of society.

My first day at my new job, my first job in the United States of Blessed-By-God America!!

And just when I was finally ready to prove my usefulness to the world, the world went and crapped on my happiness.

I started at 9 AM. I met some of my coworkers, my manager, and my trainer, and was introduced to my desk and my cubicle. I was there for all of two hours, just learning about how the company works, and how my department works. We hadn't even touched on the actual tasks yet.

And I was pulled out of my two hours of training (I was supposed to have four) to hear some bad news: my employment is suspended until I have a Social Security Number.

Now, the Administrative Assistant was very nice about the whole thing. But I was a little shocked, and more than a little embarrassed.

See, I applied for my greencard in February. My greencard is not just about working. It also makes me a permanent resident. At the moment, I am an alien resident. (I love being called an alien. Not.)

So when I applied for said greencard, I checked a little box on the form that asked, "Would you like us to assign you a Social Security Number?" So I assumed that when I got my greencard, I would also get my SSN.

But the other application I sent in, at the same time, was for an Employment Authorization Document. And I made a video of when it arrived in the mail. So I just assumed that the EAD allowed me to work. Because it says RIGHT ON THE CARD that I'm allowed to work.

NOBODY told me that the card ACTUALLY just allows me to go to a Social Security Administration office and apply for a SSN, and once I get it, THEN I'm allowed to work.

So I called Art, and we went to the SSA office, and I applied for a SSN (and the lady who helped me was so nice and friendly, I just love her. There should be one of her everywhere). The gave me a letter stating that I had applied for one, and I called my employer and asked if the letter was okay. Because some employers let people work as long as they have an official letter stating that they WILL get a SSN soon.

My employer said, "No, the letter isn't good enough, go back in there and ask them if they can tell you what the actual SSN is."

So I go back in there.

But I didn't get to talk to the nice happy lady. I had to talk to her coworker. Compared to her, he's a fricking grinch. I start to tell him that I was in here about eight seconds ago, and I got this letter, and then he interrupted me.


Him: *Assuming he already knows what I'm going to say* "Yes, just write your SSN on this piece of paper here, and then I'll see if I can help you."

Me: *Confused, I start again* "No, see, I was just in here, and I applied, and they gave me the letter, and then-"

Him: "Yup, that's okay. Just write your SSN on the back of this paper, hand it to me, and I'll look into it for you."

Me: *Restraining myself from telling him what a dingbat he's being* "Sir. I don't HAVE a SSN. I just APPLIED for one, like a minute ago, and then I got this letter, and my employer wants to know if you can tell me what the ACTUAL number is."

Him: *Now he's the confused one* "Wait, let me see your letter." *Looks at it w/o actually looking at it, and then asks me in THE MOST condescending RUDE voice you have EVER heard, "Good God, how is it possible that you are the age you are and you still don't have a SSN? That doesn't make any sense."

Me: *If he had read the letter, he would know the answer to his stupid question* "I'm an immigrant."

Him: "Oh. Well I can't do that for you."


[When I related this story to Wayne and Sozan, Wayne pointed out something kind of funny: "So let me get this straight: the Social Security Administration office doesn't actually administer Social Security Numbers."]

It's true. The guy basically explained to me that they send your application to the Department of Homeland Security, and the Department of Homeland Security is the one to give you the number. I'm expecting to see it in my mailbox in a week.

Okay, so my whole experience at that office may have been colored slightly by the fact that I was already having a disappointing day. But I got back in the car, started crying, composed myself, and called my employer.

As it stands right now, I still have a job, but my start date is pushed back indefinitely, until I get my SSN in the mail. Which isn't the end of the world. But it wasn't what anyone was expecting. And I feel bad because I guess I really impressed them in the interview, and they were planning for my employment and my training and everything, and now I have to make them wait.

So it was just kind of upsetting for a while, but it could be worse, so now I'm just praying that it doesn't take too long. Mr. Rude and Unhelpful told me that it will probably take three weeks. Miss Happy and Cheerful said that it's not uncommon for people to get in four days. I'm going with her opinion.