Reality vs. My Crappy Attitude

I have a confession to make: I had a pity party for myself yesterday.

People are asking me how my life is out here, and I'm glad that they care, but I don't really want to answer truthfully.

"I'm at home day after day, cleaning and organizing."
"I don't have a greencard so I can't work, so Art and I are living on his income from his shift work job that doesn't pay much more than minimum wage."
"I don't have a car, and I don't live within walking distance from anything."
"I am completely tied to Art's schedule and his social life."
"I have two friends (aside from Art's siblings)."
"I don't know anybody in my church."
"I don't have a life."

That's not really the truth, and it isn't that bad, but yesterday it felt that way. I knew I was going to experience a lot of adjustments, but I didn't know how tough it would be sometimes. How could I have known?

In church yesterday, the pastor was speaking on "Significance." He shared a story about a woman who lives in the south, and she was out on the beach despite the wind and the waves from the most recent hurricane. People were shouting to her, begging her to get out of the weather, and under some shelter. She finally did, but she was distressed. She had lost the diamond in her engagement ring, and she wanted to be out there looking for it.

Seriously. There's a hurricane going on, there's water and debris and chaos, and she's hoping to find that diamond? Seems pretty hopeless, right?

Then the pastor said, "I bet some of you feel like that sometimes. Like you are a needle, and the world is a haystack, and you feel completely lost and unnoticed. Insignificant. You feel like God doesn't know where you are, and He doesn't know what you're going through."

Then he read Psalm 139, which says that you could go to the deepest darkest places of the earth, you could fly to the other end of the universe, and God would still see you and care about you. There is no place you can go to hide from God.

I really needed to hear that. I have been feeling so insignificant lately. God told me once that He has a plan for me out here, and I feel like God's forgotten all about it. He hasn't forgotten about His plan, and He hasn't forgotten about me.

So I was really encouraged by the sermon, but I guess that wasn't enough. After church the lead worship pastor talked to me and asked me for my info so he could get me connected in the church, and I could meet people, and maybe be a part of young marrieds group that he wants to start. THEN, right after that, my friend Sozan talked to a lady about joining the women's bible study, and we'd go every Tuesday evening or Wednesday evening.

Suddenly, I'm going to be involved in my church, and I'm actually going to meet people, and I'm going to have a life!

So just when I was feeling my lowest, God's like, "Aaaaaaaand I'm going to open up some doors for you."

Oh, and yesterday Art and I got our mattress. And today I'm going to watch a tennis game with my sis-in-law.

Life really is good!