Diet Day 12

Well this diet thing hasn't been as awful as I thought it would be. I mean I'm still tempted to eat what I'm not supposed to, and there have been a couple of times where I was really pushing the limits of how much sugar I should be taking in.

But I am so determined to eat healthier and get my body back on track, that I've been pretty good at "just saying no." Like a drug campaign. Sugar is a drug! Maybe that's what I should start thinking of sugar as: a drug.

My mom is also very supportive, so that helps. We went to a bulk foods store that we really like, and I stocked up on healthy snacks, like unseasoned mixed nuts, and another slightly seasoned snack with pretzels in it. They're good, they're good for me, and at least if I'm trying to fill myself up with healthy snacks, I won't be so tempted to have the unhealthy ones, because I'm full.

But my biggest motivating factor is knowing the slippery slope of "just one." If I allow myself to have just one sugary snack today, then I'll allow myself just one more tomorrow. And the day after. And then it will become "just two" in one day. And before I know it, I'm back to eating the same way I was before, and I'll be back to having the same problems I had before. And it is NOT worth it.

This diet is making me realize more and more that the battle isn't against the physical realm, but the spiritual realm. The battle is in my mind. I can avoid those things that are bad for me when I renew my mind, and choose to think differently about them.

If I see any and all forms of sugar as my friend, then I will allow myself to ingest those foods, and I'll be doing myself a lot of harm without even realizing it. It took 22 years of not really caring what I ate and how much of it I ate before it came back to bite me in the butt.

It's the same thing with sin. We allow ourselves to be okay with sin, and we let it go on and on, and then one day we wake up and look at our spiritual life, and it's all sick and damaged. We hardly know how we got there, because we think, "well, yes, I'm not perfect, I sin here and there, but it's really not that bad. I don't have to worry about the little ones."

Let me tell you, a little bit here and there adds up to a lot when you give it time. Thankfully our Father is so loving and forgiving, and He is quick to heal a broken spiritual life when we let Him. Of course, that healing can only last if we nurture it and not allow ourselves to go back to the way we were before.

Which I guess is why I can't really call this a diet, because diets are usually temporary. If I want to be healthy again and stay healthy, I have to keep this up for the rest of my life. Which might not be so difficult if there weren't 2 boxes of free donuts sitting on the kitchen table here at the office. I can see them from my desk.

Oh, and Ruth, thank you for the cinnamon bun from your garage sale. I'm sure they were great, but I had to turn that one down.

Diet: Day 5

Can you say mood swings and hyper-sensitivity?! It never really occurred to me that when you make drastic changes to your diet, it has noticeable effects on your hormones as well. Noticeable to me at least.

I'm trying not to be grumpy on the outside, I'm not snapping at people or crying in public or anything. But on the inside, I'm feeling a bit down, and yesterday, it showed.

Although, yesterday could easily have been just "one of those days;" diet or no diet. You know those days. A bunch of little things start building up over a period of time, until one day, it isn't little anymore. It's big and it overwhelms you, and you find yourself in the middle of a mini-meltdown.

I made a horrible error at work yesterday. Not bad enough that my job is on the line, but my supervisor was not pleased with me, and it's going to be quite an inconvenience for those who have to undo what I did.

It was a mistake, a misunderstanding, but it's still my fault, and it definitely didn't help to reinforce any positive feelings about myself. So that left me feeling a little raw.

I also really, really miss Art right now. I always miss Art, but some days are easier and some days are harder. And these days are feeling almost impossible. On days like these, I feel like screaming to God, "What were you thinking?! Is this funny to You?? You're writing my love story, and you decide to torture me by having the man I love live 2000 miles away? Thanks a lot."

Plus, Art and I have been busy these past couple of weeks, so we don't often get the chance to talk properly. 15 minutes here, 20 minutes there, in between our busyness. And I'm glad that we at least make that time to connect, if it means that we get to connect a little everyday.

I also know that when we're married, we won't sit and have long conversations everyday, because we won't need to. We'll have the advantage of living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed. We'll be doing life together. But right now, Art and I aren't even in the same country. Not exactly easy on the morale.

It's times like these where, instead of turning to God, I would turn to food. And you can bet that food wouldn't be vegetables. Normally, I would just allow myself to pig out on something with absolutely no nutritional value. But I think the fact that I'm on a diet actually forces me to turn to God and not to food. God knew what He was doing when He showed me that I needed to change my eating habits.

It's not just my physical health that He cares about. This opens a door to greater spiritual health. The beginning is always the toughest because I'm in cleansing mode. I'm getting rid of all that gunk that isn't supposed to be there, but I'm so used it being there that getting rid of it isn't joyful; it's painful. I barely recognize myself as I'm getting rid of the old and introducing the new, all at the same time.

But I'm holding onto the promise that what He is doing is a new thing (Is. 43:19), and it's a good thing (Phil. 1:6), and He won't leave me hanging. He said He would bring it to completion. And He will.

Diet Time

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, I am on a diet. Now, if you think about it, technically everybody is on a diet. If all you eat is greasy take-out, then you're on a diet of greasy food. Your diet is whatever your eating habits are. And I am simply attempting to change my diet.

Let me be very clear: I am NOT trying to lose weight, as is usually the goal of a diet. I simply want develop better eating habits. It's not really a drastic food change. I have decided to cut out all unnecessary sugars (meaning sweets and desserts) and I would also like to cut WAY back on unhealthy food (read: take-out/chips and snacks like that).

Not that I live a life of fast food and desserts, but even what I have been consuming of those foods has been too much for my body. It's telling me in no uncertain terms that I need to develop better eating habits. So I'm going to try.

Today is Day 2 and so far I'm doing fine, but man, is it ever tempting to convince yourself, "just one bite of something sweet, just one tiny treat." And of course, once you tell yourself that you can't have a certain type of food, suddenly you want it like you've never wanted anything before.

I'm also trying to get it into my head that this isn't a temporary thing. Diets shouldn't be for a short period of time, because once you are off the diet, you go back to the way you were eating and you completely reverse whatever good your diet did. No, if you're going to go on a diet, it should be for life. I really want to eat better. I need to eat better.

Of course, the other problem with trying to stay away from unhealthy, unnatural sugars is that I'm trying to distract myself by filling up on other things. Like salty foods. There's a reason why they call it junk food, but it's so hard to give it up! Now I truly understand what it means to take it one day at a time.

But hey, I'm not in this alone. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13