Diet: Day 5

Can you say mood swings and hyper-sensitivity?! It never really occurred to me that when you make drastic changes to your diet, it has noticeable effects on your hormones as well. Noticeable to me at least.

I'm trying not to be grumpy on the outside, I'm not snapping at people or crying in public or anything. But on the inside, I'm feeling a bit down, and yesterday, it showed.

Although, yesterday could easily have been just "one of those days;" diet or no diet. You know those days. A bunch of little things start building up over a period of time, until one day, it isn't little anymore. It's big and it overwhelms you, and you find yourself in the middle of a mini-meltdown.

I made a horrible error at work yesterday. Not bad enough that my job is on the line, but my supervisor was not pleased with me, and it's going to be quite an inconvenience for those who have to undo what I did.

It was a mistake, a misunderstanding, but it's still my fault, and it definitely didn't help to reinforce any positive feelings about myself. So that left me feeling a little raw.

I also really, really miss Art right now. I always miss Art, but some days are easier and some days are harder. And these days are feeling almost impossible. On days like these, I feel like screaming to God, "What were you thinking?! Is this funny to You?? You're writing my love story, and you decide to torture me by having the man I love live 2000 miles away? Thanks a lot."

Plus, Art and I have been busy these past couple of weeks, so we don't often get the chance to talk properly. 15 minutes here, 20 minutes there, in between our busyness. And I'm glad that we at least make that time to connect, if it means that we get to connect a little everyday.

I also know that when we're married, we won't sit and have long conversations everyday, because we won't need to. We'll have the advantage of living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed. We'll be doing life together. But right now, Art and I aren't even in the same country. Not exactly easy on the morale.

It's times like these where, instead of turning to God, I would turn to food. And you can bet that food wouldn't be vegetables. Normally, I would just allow myself to pig out on something with absolutely no nutritional value. But I think the fact that I'm on a diet actually forces me to turn to God and not to food. God knew what He was doing when He showed me that I needed to change my eating habits.

It's not just my physical health that He cares about. This opens a door to greater spiritual health. The beginning is always the toughest because I'm in cleansing mode. I'm getting rid of all that gunk that isn't supposed to be there, but I'm so used it being there that getting rid of it isn't joyful; it's painful. I barely recognize myself as I'm getting rid of the old and introducing the new, all at the same time.

But I'm holding onto the promise that what He is doing is a new thing (Is. 43:19), and it's a good thing (Phil. 1:6), and He won't leave me hanging. He said He would bring it to completion. And He will.