Breastfeeding. Oy.

Well, Sophia's birth may have happened naturally, but breastfeeding certainly hasn't. I have heard that there can be difficulties with establishing breastfeeding, but I didn't know how many issues there could be, or how I would react emotionally.

I feel like I've had 101 problems, and at least as many meltdowns over them.

Waking her for feedings because she's too sleepy.
Trying to keep her awake during feedings.
Latch issues.
Jaundice.
Two visits with lactation consultants.
Nipple shields.
Failure to thrive (slow weight gain)
Getting her weighed 2-3 times a week.
Trying to shorten feedings.
Trying to increase feedings.
Pumping.
Keeping track of the number of wet poopy diapers, and what color they are.

I have experienced much stress and heartache and worry over this whole breastfeeding thing. I've also received a lot of encouragement, which I needed. But at the same time, I got tired of hearing "You're a good mom, just keep doing what you're doing!" All I could think was, "If I'm such a good mom, does that mean that I have a bad daughter? If what I'm doing is working, then why isn't she gaining weight like she's supposed to?!"

All I could do was stick it out and keep going. Everyone said it would get better. So I just kept going and prayed that it would get better. And you know what? It's finally getting better.

As of Monday, Sophia was back at her birth weight. Two days later, she had gained another two ounces.
She is more alert during her feedings.
My milk supply is increasing, and I don't feel like I have to pump anymore.
I don't have to count her diapers anymore.
I don't have to wake her for feedings anymore, or try to keep her awake during a feeding.
I don't have to use the nipple shield all the time (I still use it sometimes).
She knows how to latch properly.
I have been watching her cues more, and the clock less.

The only problem I still had was that her feeding times seemed to getting longer, not shorter. I was once again reduced to tears over this, but a Google search about it restored my sanity and confidence. I found out that it's called cluster feeding, and it means two things: a growth spurt for her, and an increased milk supply for me.

So that's where we are right now, and I'm okay with it. Sure, I'm feeding her more frequently, but I'm so much more relaxed now. I feel like I can stop worrying, and just go with it. Also, I've learned how to occupy myself while she's feeding. I can hold her with one hand, and read, or eat, or do a Sudoku, or be on the computer with the other hand. In fact, I've been typing this whole post with one hand. :)

If there are any other frustrated breastfeeding moms reading this, or any soon-to-be moms, all I can say is it WILL get better. Stick it out. Also, a lactation consultant can help. So can Google. :)