Secretive

There are a few things that Art and I are keeping a secret regarding my pregnancy, and I wanted to tell you all why. I feel like we're doing things so differently from everyone else who is pregnant, and I guess I feel the need to explain everything. :) So here we go!

1. The baby's gender. We did not find out, and believe it or not, I'm not dying of curiosity. Where I grew up, this is the norm (although that is starting to change). I have never felt that I wanted to find out the gender of my baby before I give birth, because that's what I'm used to, and therefore, in my mind, that's the way it should be.

I also love surprises, and I find the anticipation fun. I like guessing, I like hearing other people's guesses, and I'm looking forward to that moment when my midwife catches the baby, hands him or her to me, and I get to see for myself what I had.

Whenever I tell people that we don't know the gender, they tell me they had to/would have to find out because, "I'm too impatient!" or "I have to be able to plan."

To the first comment, I say nothing. What can I say? "Well, I guess I'm just more patient than you!" Yeah, I don't think so. I really don't know how to reply to that one.

To the second comment, well, that one I can understand. I am a planner. I'm not much for the spur-of-the-moment, the last minute. So how do I reconcile that part of my nature with not finding out the gender? My "defense" in this case is that I don't feel like I can't plan just because I don't know whether I'm having a boy or a girl Maybe it helps that I'm not much of a decorator, so even though we will now have a baby room, I still wouldn't feel the need to pick out paint colors and curtains and such.

I don't feel it's important to have all the baby stuff in gender-specific colors. The playpen is green and brown. The (free) car seat is brown and tan with some orange (and we registered for a matching stroller). The blankets and towels and bibs are any and every color. To me, it doesn't matter if those things aren't all in pink or blue. The only things that matter are the clothes, and people tend to be pretty generous about giving away their gently-used baby clothes once the baby is born.

Also, baby clothes are cheap, and you don't need a lot of them, because babies grow so quickly. So even if we have to buy all our own gender-specific clothes after the baby is born, it's certainly not going to break our budget.

In conclusion, I feel I am perfectly able to plan for this baby's arrival despite not knowing the gender. And I really do love surprises. In fact, I remember the first time someone told me not only the gender of their baby, but also his name. I was a tiny bit disappointed; I wanted to be surprised!

And I also want others to be surprised too. I want everyone else to anticipate learning the gender, which means that I also wouldn't let on if I was having any hunches. Which I'm not. I truly have no idea. Which only adds to the fun. :)

2. Baby names. We're not telling ANYONE the names we've picked. I actually don't feel out of place about this one, because this is the one thing that's pretty common among most of the pregnant women I know. However, I still have different reasons for not wanting to tell the names.

Most people don't tell the baby names they picked out because they don't want anyone to steal the names. This actually never occurred to me! My reason for not wanting to tell our baby names ties in with the first point: it's all a part of the surprise. I want to announce it all at once. "We had a girl!" "We had a boy!" "His/her name is ___!" I just feel like it all goes together.

One person I talked to made a good point about not wanting others people's input. So that would be another reason to not tell people the baby names you've picked out. It's unfortunate that so many people out there are far too vocal with their opinions, and will tell you if they don't like the name, or they'll make another suggestion. I don't understand this. Do they not know how rude they're being? Anyway, onto #3...

3. My due date. I don't know if you've noticed, but I have not once ever mentioned a specific date. The only people who know are our parents and siblings, a few very close friends, my doctor, and my boss. And they're not telling! If anyone else asks, all I say is, "End of March, beginning of April." Why so vague?

Here it goes: I don't believe in due dates.

For those who don't know, the due date that the doctor gives a pregnant woman is actually just her 40 week date. They give that date because 40 weeks is the average length of pregnancy. But that date is just a guideline.

I have been keeping in mind for months that healthy babies are born anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks. 37 weeks is actually considered full term, because anytime after that is safe for the baby to be born. So when we're talking about a baby being "early" or "late", it's really not accurate if it's within a few days of the 40 week date.

Babies are only truly early if they are born before 37 weeks. They are only truly late if born after 42 weeks. (And in North America, babies are pretty much never born after 42 weeks, because at that point the doctor will intervene.)

I can see the merit in knowing the 40 week date. It's helpful, because if a woman is going to be induced or have c-section, the doctor wants to make sure that it's not too early. And it's helpful, because it tells a doctor when a woman has gone to 42 weeks. After that, it's not safe for baby to let the pregnancy continue.

But as any mother will tell you, it certainly doesn't mean that the baby will be born on that day. Babies can't read calendars. They come out when they are good and ready. Only 4% of babies are actually born on their given "due date."

For me, I'm hoping that by keeping this in mind, I won't be disappointed when my due date comes and goes, because I'm not focusing on that date. I'm focusing on a five week period. I know that it's entirely possible for me to go "overdue" (a.k.a. be pregnant for 42 weeks) and I want to be okay with that. Because it is okay, as long as the baby is still healthy.

Also, I mentioned up there about people's rudeness regarding baby names. I feel that people can also be unintentionally rude when it comes to a due date. Once a due date comes and goes, there are many out there who start to pester the parents. "Have you had your baby yet?" "Any sign of the baby?" "Uh oh, looks your baby is late!"

I don't want people to do that to us. It's not like we're going to keep it a secret! When we have the baby, we will tell the world. So if 40 weeks comes and goes, hopefully few people will pester us, because they won't know that date has passed. All they know is that I'm due "soon."

I know of one woman (hi Brandi!) who cleverly avoided the unnecessary questions (at least online) by updating her Facebook status everyday, making it very clear that she had not had her baby yet. She beat people to the punch! I might do this as well.

As you can see, I feel very strongly about all of this. But I hope none of you feel like I'm judging you. If you have publicly announced your baby's gender, name, and your due date, it's because you're excited! I'm excited too! I just feel like all these secrets add to the excitement. I'm aiming for maximum anticipation. Hopefully it's working. ;)

With all that being said, what do YOU guys think I'm having?