Sleepless and Discouraged

*Warning: This is not a "Happy Happy Joy Joy" post. If you need more positive vibes in your life, you best move on from here.*

I am absolutely, completely, utterly, and in all other ways exhausted.

Back in September, I started taking steps to improve Sophia's sleep. I put up curtains in her room to make it darker. I set up a small fan for white noise. I implemented a bedtime routine. I made sure to wake her at the same time every morning so that naps and bedtime would be the same every day. Then I finally taught her to fall asleep on her own.

I was seeing improvements. There was a light at the end of the tunnel.

But here we are, three months later, and it all seems like a complete waste. She is up at least 6 times every night. She resists sleep and has a hard time falling asleep on her own. She's back to only napping for half an hour. I honestly don't know what happened. She's regressed completely, and I feel like it's even worse than it was in September.

Sleep is all I can think about these days, but I have no idea how to make it happen. I spend every morning trying to snooze a little bit more. I spend my afternoons trying to keep an overtired baby happy. I'm barely functional. My sanity, and the state of our apartment, are slowly deteriorating.

I'm tempted, many times, to just let her scream and cry in her playpen, but I know it won't help. I've actually tried the Cry-It-Out method a couple of times, but it doesn't work. Instead of going to sleep, she works herself into a hysterical frenzy. She hiccups and coughs and can barely catch her breath. She sounds like she's going hoarse. She doesn't actually sleep longer, and when she's awake, she's clingy and fussy. Her playpen becomes a place of fear, instead of a place of rest.

Plus, we have neighbors. On the other side of Sophia's bedroom wall is a nice, young (childless) couple who shouldn't be forced to listen to that process and lose sleep too.

I'm at a loss. I honestly don't know where to go from here, except to beg God every waking moment (of which there are plenty) that He'll miraculously make Sophia sleep better.

A Random List (Because I Am SO Tired)

- Yesterday was Art's birthday. We invited his family and a whole bunch of friends to a new Japanese buffet that opened up here. Art's mom gave Sophia a deep fried squid ring, and Sophia noshed on it the whole evening. Rubbery seafood makes for great teething toys. It also makes everything smell like fish. I guess I'll have to do more baby laundry. Again.

- One of our friends gave Art a gift of homemade cookies. She's in school for engineering, but she should just forget that and open a bakery instead. She's good. So Art begged her for some cookies, and she was happy to comply. And we ate them for breakfast today. Because I'm tired and refused to make breakfast.

- Sophia is consistently up 3 times per night, at basically the same times. Did I mention I'm tired?

- We're listening to a lot of Christmas music these days (thank you, Spotify!), which makes me happy. It also makes me want to put up our Christmas tree, which makes me sad, because we have no place to put it! If we could just sell our TV, then we could put a tiny table in that place, and put the tree on that table. Anybody know anyone in this area who would like to purchase a used-but-in-great-condition flat screen TV?

- Did you know that I hate whip cream? On cakes, pies, on my Oreo milkshake from Jack In The Box.... They usually ask whether you want whip cream and a cherry on your shake, but on Monday they didn't ask me, and I forgot that whip cream on shakes is part of their SOP. My shake wasn't as enjoyable. I lead such a hard life. ;)

- Friends and church ladies keep blessing me with clothes for Sophia. (A woman at church is going to pack a bag full of hand-me-downs from her two daughters.) When our friends Wayne and Sozan showed up at Art's birthday buffet feast, Sozan handed me a long-sleeved shirt and a winter coat for Sophia. I've been fretting about how to dress her warm enough for the cold weather, because winter gear is expensive, even for babies! Another friend gave us a hat and mitts a while back, so all I have to do is find Sophia some warm shoes/boots, and she's all set!

- I love living on the 4th floor in the winter. We barely have to turn on the heat, because the 3 floors beneath us keep us warm enough.

- I'm going to end this list now, because I'm really truly tired. I'm not going to think about all the things I could and should be doing during Sophia's nap. I need a nap myself. Happy Wednesday!

Sophia's 8 Month Update

At first I thought this would be a pretty lame update, because there really hasn't been many new developments since last month. But she did have a few fun firsts, which you'll see at the end of this post.

- She's still not crawling (although I don't do nearly enough tummy time with her, so that probably has something to do with it).

- She's been teething forever, but no sign of any teeth. (Side note: I won a Facebook contest with the online cloth diaper retailer Dearest Diapers, and the prize was a gift card for the store. This store also carries Baltic amber teething necklaces, so I'm going to buy her one very soon.)

-When I was planning to write this post, I was also going to mention that she still doesn't roll over, but on Sunday, she rolled from her tummy to her back all by herself! I've tried to get her to do it again, but I guess she felt that once was enough. ;)

-She's wearing 9 month and 12 month sized clothes. We recently bought her some Christmas pajamas and a Christmas dress. I can't wait to show you pictures of her wearing them!

-She is FINALLY on a schedule! [It probably shouldn't have taken this long, but hey, you live and learn, and you know what to do differently with the next kid.] Knowing when she'll wake up, nap, and go to bed has made my life so much easier.

-I recently implemented Dr. Sears' method of teaching her to fall asleep on her own, and that has made a huge difference. I love that I don't have to nurse her to sleep anymore. She takes longer naps, and goes to bed earlier.

The only downside is that I incorrectly assumed that this would lead to fewer night wakings, but it seems she wakes up more than ever. I'm up with her anywhere from 4 to 6 times every night, and often all these wakings are between 2:00 am and 6:00 am, so that's 4 hours of sleep I'm not getting. I don't want to night wean her completely, but I don't know how to go about reducing the wakings.

Well, I do have a few ideas, but it's hard to remember them, and even harder to put them into practice when it's 3:00 am and I'm barely awake. I'll see how these next few nights go, and I'll try to remind myself to be strong, even though it's the middle of the night and I desperately want to go back to bed.

-I've been trying to give her solids twice a day, but it's hard because I can't share my breakfast with her (eggs give her eczema). I've gotten into the habit of giving her some banana in the morning instead, but I forgot that bananas cause constipation. In the past week and a half, she's only had two dirty diapers. So I cut out solids, and I just started giving her some prune juice. So hopefully we get that all cleared up soon!

-She had her first Halloween! We didn't go Trick-or-Treating, but we did dress her up in somewhat of a costume. My mom got this outfit for her.

Despite the fact that we didn't go door-to-door, Sophia still managed to score a bunch of candy, because Art's mom put together a little Halloween basket for her!

She really enjoyed the noisy packaging, and Art and I really enjoyed the candy inside. ;D

-Mari and I bought her some hair elastics, and she got her very first ponytail!

Which quickly turned into two cute little pigtails.

Which then became three...

...and then turned into four.

Our goal is to eventually make her look like Coolio, only cuter. [Please click the link. It's hilarious.]

So that's our 8 month old girl! Since I won't be posting for the rest of the week, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!